Screaming at the top of my lungs!!!!! Just be honest! What do you want! and dont give me that typical bullshit. I wanna hear what your heart is thinking

We used to be so in love. We used to tell each other how much we loved each other every day. Now, i feel like everything I say to you is a desperate struggle to get your attention. I cry myself to sleep every night knowing that things arent the same. I would rather you leave and be happy, but I cant tell you that because I know I wont be happy. I feel so alone. I feel so lost because Im not your girlfriend anymore. Im here for your convenience. I want you back. Who I fell in love with. The one that cared for me and my needs when I was sick. The one who gave me a ring and promised to be here forever. I think youre embarrassed by me. So please, just say goodbye. If thats what you want.

i literally feel like I would rather leave here then have to deal with this. Im shaking and want to vomit. I cant stop crying and my legs sting from my razor that I took out of the shower and slipped across my thigh. I dont think this is how a relationship should feel. I dont think that I should feel this much pain every night.

to express how I feel. Its not like anyone understands how I feel when I talk to them. So, I’ll write.

When we begin college, the whole process is to discover who we are and the broader meaning of life. I feel as though I am receeding into myself, rather than digging deeper. I was so outgoing and opinionated in high school. I knew what I wanted and knew what I was going to do to get exactly that…now I am beyond lost. I dont know what i want anymore and I hurt everyday. I can’t go a day without feeling completely insufficent in every way. There was a never a moment in life I’ve ever felt so disgusted to see a picture of myself. All I see is faults, my complexion is too sallow, my hair is too stringy, my body is too fat, and I might as well have gone out wearing a paper bag over my face. I can’t hold conversation without wishing I had never opened my mouth…why do I always sound so stupid. I hate who I am now, or maybe I’m just finally seeing who I’ve always been.

And then there is you. I always look to you to bring me out. To draw me back. This isnt the first time I’ve fallen into complete darkness. This is the first time I’ve felt depressed. But you were always there. You lifted me up and pointed out all my perfections. I always lived off of those compliments, because without them I would have died. But now, I dont hear that anymore. I only hear my faults repeated to me. I already hear my faults over and over in my head, but you, you actually say them aloud. Hearing everything out loud rips at my skin and reverberates in my brain….you’re stupid, you’re psycho, you’re mean.

Not sure how much longer I can live like this….